Over the last decade many clergy in the Episcopal Church
have received training in conflict management and family systems theory.
Conflict management is easy enough to understand but family systems theory is a
bit more complex. In family systems theory one tries to understand the complex
social interactions that happen in communities. For clergy, the hope is that by
understanding these complex relationships one can manage conflict, help people
relate better to one another, create positive change, and focus the group’s
attention on the mission and work of the church.
However, knowing a good bit about conflict management and
family systems theory has also given me a very interesting lens through which
to see all of the conflict we have in the very large system of our
country. I know so many of us were once
again devastated to hear about another act of mass violence, this time in the
city of Las Vegas. It seems some horrible natural disaster or violent act is
happening just about every week.
For those of us who know family systems theory, we know that
all of this constant concern over the dangers of our world creates a great deal
of anxiety. This anxiety then becomes present, not only in the system of the
United States, but even within our own families and also in the system we know
as St. Michael’s. The net result of all this tension in our world can have many
different effects. This anxiety can cause people to be irritable, to withdraw,
to become defensive, argumentative, and a whole host of other negative things.
We then tend to project these attitudes (sometimes unknowingly) into our
various relationships causing damage and thus increasing our anxiety.
One of the antidotes we have to all this stress in our lives
is to be intentional about taking time for prayer, meditation, and worship. All
three of those activities have been proven by many studies to lower anxiety and
help us to become healthier people. Unfortunately, instead of doing those
things, we often choose the flight or fight response by trying to fight or run
from the cause of our stress instead of going quietly to God in prayer and
seeking his love, peace, and guidance.
